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View Full Version : Engineer jokes. The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table. Also a cute video with cats.

Here are 25 of the best engineering jokes from internet to brighten up your life. From system engineers to civil engineers all engineers will love these jokes. best hiding spot to date and Newton surely wouldn’t find an equal.

Bored in lockdown? Unable to head to the workshop and build that gadget you’ve been designing for the last three months? Think there’s nothing better than a meme to brighten up a dull day? Fret no longer, bored engineers! But maybe after a well-earned meme break. Hate memes? Maybe you’ll find comfort in our list of things engineers hate. Science — perfection, proof, beauty. Simple, eye-catching, funny or groan-worthy depending on your sense of humour. Could this be the perfect engineering meme?

I once knew an engineering student who was frantically frying up a steak at one night.

Unemployed Jokes

If you need some engineering humor to brighten up your life, here are 25 of the best engineering jokes from across the internet. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that most people just don’t understand. We joke about things like electricity and programming languages — and nothing could be funnier. If you need some more material or just need to brighten up your day, here are 25 of the best engineering jokes from across the web.

Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. The mathematicians each bought a ticket.

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Science Jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. Joke A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.

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Engineer jokes to tickle and titillate, amuse and exhilarate, laugh till you hyperventilate, till your blues evaporate, and your mood rejuvenate. Without engineers there would be a lot less very funny jokes on our plate. Three guys – an engineer, a doctor, and a painter – were debating the benefits of having a wife or a mistress. The doctor pointed out that intimacy with his beloved wife was a great stress reliever, and gave him a lifetime of love to look forward to. The painter argued that the spontaneity of a mistress inspired him to create mysterious and passionate works of art he could not otherwise achieve.

The engineer explained that if you have a wife and a mistress, they will both figure you’re with the other one, so you can go to the lab and do some calculations. A mathematician and an engineer found a gorgeous female waiting in their office. However, I have one condition. You can only come half the distance closer each time. Engineer Jokes: French Revolution. During the French Revolution, a priest, a doctor, and an engineer were all sentenced to be guillotined.

On the day of their executions, the priest was called up first to the scaffold. He lay with his head on the block, facing upward, looking at the sinister blade about to remove his head.

10 Best Memes About Engineering

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it’s a big deal or something. Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing.

The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

facebook-timeline-sj-carbon-​ An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. You only have six months to live. An engineer, an architect and an actuary are stranded on a desert island with only one can of baked beans and no can opener. The engineer suggests lighting a fire to heat up the can so that the contents will expand and force the can to open.

The architect says the contents would scatter all over the place, so he suggests building a structure around the fire to catch the contents. An accountant, a lawyer, and an actuary are walking down the street when they come upon a man who has just accidently dropped a number of coins out of his pocket onto the sidewalk. The accountant glances around at the coins, totals their value, and advises the man on how much he lost.

The lawyer ignores the coins and starts searching the sidewalk for dollar bills. A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. A doctor, an engineer and an actuary were arguing about which was the oldest profession. The engineer argued that, earlier, God had created order from chaos, which was an engineering feat. Question: How do you keep an actuary in the shower all day? Three men are sentenced to die by guillotine. Answer: The chances of resurrection are better there.

Engineering dating jokes dating sleeping with more than one person

Those two argue back and forth for a little while until, finally, they ask the engineer to break the tie. Which is better, a wife, or a mistress? Go take a look at the science quotes or the key to scientific research literature. Other relevant pages or forgotten links: If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met.

Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of words. While it’s true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal.

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Software Testing Jokes

Join Engineers Looking For Stuff. Sign Up Sign In. Fun Stuff. Admin Great and totally not so great engineering jokes Posted by Richard Savoie on July 25, at am.

From instagram, an engineer if you hyperventilate, the edge off. So a mathematician, and comedy central jokes about dating dry spell. Batman: how many.

Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. I know the spring constant for my mattress. Wanna take some data? I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

Were your parents engineers? Because you have a nice design. Wanna dance?

Joke #11140

Our model, which art in nowhere. Guessing be thy name. Thy assumptions come, Thy will be done in future as it was in the past.

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Thanks to the ones who thought of them first. A group of managers were given the assignment of measuring the height of a flagpole. The Aviation Department had a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The theory was that if the windshield does not crack from the impact of the chicken, it will survive a real collision with a bird during flight. The Railroad Department heard of this device and decided to use it for testing a windshield on a locomotive they were developing.

So the Railroad Department borrowed the device, loaded a chicken and fired at the windshield of the locomotive. The Railroad Department was stunned and contacted the Aviation Department to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The Aviation Department reviewed the test thoroughly and sent a report. The Director of a software company proudly announced that a flight software developed by the company was installed in an airplane and the airlines was offering free first flights to the members of the company.

Nobody came forward. Finally, one person volunteered. I know that the airplane will not be able to take off. Question : How many testers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer : None.

37 Hilarious Jokes Only For Engineers

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An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

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Things You Need To Know to Date An Engineer